While You Were Rearing Monday

[adsenseyu5] A recent explosion in Iran was just a set back on their long-range missile program. Thankfully, they'll have this up and running again soon, allowing Iran to move forward making weapons to destroy both Israel and the US. The AP was able to gather more information from a closed-door meeting late last week:

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!

Newt is surging in polls but still facing big challenges independent of his noggin size. Supporters of Romney signed enough signatures allowing him to be on ballets in both Vermont and Alabama--Newt is just beginning the campaign in these states. In a closed captioning interview, Newt stated that "I'm hoping that the size of my head will reach over county lines to force ballet signatures."

You can now pay 60 thousand dollars for a two-week cruise to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean to see the Titanic. The descent is 2.5 hours and currently, 80 people who didn't see the 1997 *movie are scheduled to go. *Sadly, Rose doesn't move over on the cruise either.

China has 3.2 trilion dollars in bonds but sadly Beijing will not help the European crisis as this money represents national savings and is not easily distributed. This greed comes as a shock to most world leaders, as China is normally very giving with their censorship of free speech, donation of jail time to activists, and delivering biodiversity of unprecedented proportions since the 7 day creation.

Carbon Dioxide emissions has jumped more than ever recorded. This increase has confirmed a trend making it impossible to stop climate change in the future.

Barnes and Noble knows what you're up to when you walk around looking at unique book covers to decide which ones to buy online. Looking and not buying is called Show Rooming. Sadly, we will all feel like criminals when we Show Room from this point forward.

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Over Nourished is Malnourished

[adsenseyu5] Authorities just took the 8 year boy, "Nameless," out of his mother's home and placed him in foster care for weighing 218 lbs. According to the Department of Children and Family Services, Nameless was placed in foster care for medical neglect. They worked with the mother for more than a year about his weight problem. Nameless suffers from sleep apnea, but doesn't suffer from childhood diabetes or high blood pressure. Nameless participates in school activities and he's on the honor roll.

 

Over the past 10 years type 2 diabetes in children has increased by 150 percent. Nameless should have weighed around 52 lbs. Sadly, 20% of children ages 6-11 are obese, and 30 to 40% will develop diabetes. These same children are also at risk for heart disease, high blood pressure and cholesterol, along with depression.

 

Overeating is a form of malnutrition. It's very easy to blame parents but we should also focus on what our children are eating at school. If our children were under nourished at school, our reaction to the school lunch program would be much different. Singapore increased nutrition in its school lunch programs and physical activity for children and teachers and reduced obesity by almost 30–50%. Why can't we? Most recently we were blocked by Special Interest Groups. Here's an earlier post as a recap.

 

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While You Were Rearing -- Thanksgiving Eve Eve

[adsenseyu5] Egypt's interim government quits on the third day of protests, just as an ironic disconnect developed between the political elite and the protesters. Thirty-five were reported killed, but Doctors are pressured to remain mum about those killed by live ammunition. NGO's were relieved when an anonymous gunman stated that "The live ammunition only killed thugs."

The Super Committee crawled down to protesters begging for forgiveness in a recent fantasy. The panel of 12 couldn't decide on a plan to cut our government spending by 1.2 trillion over the next 10 years, which means mandatory spending cuts will begin in 2013.

According to a special interest group that snuck into the meeting, below is an illegal recording of some of the blah, blah, blah that happened during the 10 weeks.

Democratic Random: "We need to give everyone a chance so for the first nine weeks let's allow the Republicans to do all the talking. Even though their inferior, I know they can find a solution if given an opportunity."

Republican Random: "Let's do nothing and work through the weekend at the last-minute. Either way it's not our problem, and in the end we can just blame Democratic Random or the President."

Since the only qualifications for being on the committee were "We need to do something, somehow, someway, within some time frame," several protesters have volunteered to help cut spending."

 

 

Pfizer launched a new bumper sticker with the phrase, "American Companies for Americans." Pfizer recently laid off 1,000 employees and slashed their own research budgets in an unselfish venture to buy back their own stock. This helps Americans in negative three ways 1. Doesn't reward investors 2. No additional jobs will be created in any way 3. A foundation for future growth is not forseeable.

Romney brings out the big guns in New Hampshire with the first television advertisement of the race. Using an innovative campaign approach, Romney's ad will be attacking Obama for his economic leadership just as Obama lands in the state to talk about job growth. The ad will feature a large family conservatively dressed on a farm with several wives, 300 children, and one husband.

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While You Were Rearing - Monday Edition

[adsenseyu5] The between 1st and second class has never been higher. For those who can afford it, Airlines are now charging $15,000 for international flights--offering three course meals and massages on board. For the 99% who can't, the airline is offering a walk through viewing of 1st class free of charge. Rough housing, pushing, and running are not allowed within two feet of the 1%ers, as this could easily disjoint their experience or slip a toupee. Photos are allowed after a signed disclosure agreement. Baggage fees still apply.

Archaic parents with e-readers are demanding their children learn mandates such as shapes and colors the old-fashioned way--even going so far as to sign a petition that their children's finger tips can only turn pages. In a recent consumer case study, vomiting is both easier and faster to clean up on pages as opposed to shiny gadgets.

Google apps for business, Google's cloud communication, is Google's best business application. It's helping Google build social networks. Watch out Facebook, Google + may not be a party of one for too much longer. Google's Marketing Manager will launch a new campaign next month and add a MySpace fan page for Google +.

Cigna will begin selling coverage in India, where 85% of the population is without care. Cigna experienced a drop in share last quarter due to Employee expense healthcare when employees reported high levels of PTSD from denying valid claims.

 

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While You Reared, Fabulous Friday Update

[adsenseyu5] Michelle Obama started the rally for her husband at a democratic fund-raising conference Thursday night. The First Lady, who has embraced obesity as her cause, is fired up soon after Congress made more than 30 million children fatter by refusing to cut the sodium in school lunches by 50%. I heart special interest groups.

Head leaders of the Mormon church spent millions on an ad campaign to find out that Americans come up with four adjectives when thinking about Mormons: secretive, sexist, pushy, and anti-gay. Romney's Campaign Manager advised him to narrow these down,  as four adjectives in a description prove overwhelming.

Mother, She Wrote gives this weeks 'Idiot Award' to an Egyptian blogger, who blogged nude photos to promote inequality and freedom of speech. Liberals in Egypt have quickly published statements denying connections with her --fearing this will severely hurt their election chances. The Nudes have caused outrage from both rigid and liberal Muslims across the nation. “Freedom,” wrote one detractor, “is not the same as degradation and prostitution.” Freakin Yikes!

Kuwait gets a surprise welcome to the Arab Spring when protesters and law makers stormed parliament demanding the Prime Minister's resignation. Their efforts were very similar to OWS, proving goalless and disorderly.

 

As we embrace the two month anniversary of the protest with no goal, 175 protesters across the nation are arrested when they refuse to stop occupying. The popo arrested 20 in NY, but sadly, Mother, She Wrote won't grant these victims the 'Shining Star Award' this week because they failed to shut down the NY stock exchange. Maybe next time?

The International Atomic Energy Agency wants to slap a resolution reprimanding Iran for their secret work on an atomic weapon.

After a closed door meeting leaders decided to use words such as 'sunshine, rainbow, and unicorn' in the document as opposed to 'atomic, weapon, and bomb' to avoid a tantrum from China and Russia.

 

Unfortunately, 91 stranded whales died on the shores of New Zealand and Australia this week--no doubt trying to run away from Japan's relentless whale hunters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You Reared, I Wrote - Thursday's Update

[adsenseyu5] Republicans aren't raising enough money, therefore struggling to gain senate seats. Candidates clearly didn't take direction from Xing Wu Pan, a fundraiser for comptroller John C. Liu in NY. Pan funneled money into Liu's campaign intending to sidestep campaign donation restrictions. Silly Pan.

Obama rejects the EPA's plan to reduce smog. This comes only after the man who fired an automatic rifle at the White House last week was found and taken into custody.

Obama plans to increase our military presence in Australia just after scholars in China granted Russian PM Vladimir Putin with the Confucius Peace Prize for his "iron hand and toughness." Putin was given Confucius specifically for his invasion of Chechnya in 1999 and his disapproval of the recent NATO bombings in Libya. Other candidates included Bill Gates, and Gyaiancain Norbu. Norbu is the Chinese Government appointed Panchen Lama. The Dali Lama chose Nyima as the original Penchen Lama 16 years ago. Nyima has since mysteriously disappeared, with only silence from the Chinese Government. Mother, She Wrote gives Putin and the Chinese Government the Golden Acorn Award.

Finally, the last Munchkin has departed Munchkin land permanently. Karl Slover passed away at 93. There's no place like home.

Tomato Paste is a Veggie follow-up. Based on a study at UNC, children get more calories from pizza than any other food. Childhood obesity has also tripled in the last 30 years.

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While You Were Rearing, Wednesday Edition

Just so you make the most of today, UN weapon inspectors speculate Iran is covertly experimenting to make nuclear weapons--they are further along than previously suspected.

Republican candidate Cain fired back in a nationally televised news conference even after the second women came forward publicity. He's willing to take lie detector test to prove "I've never acted inappropriately with with anyanyanyone. PPPeriod."  Cain will move forward with his bid for GOP nomination. Is Cain lying or telling the truth?

Joe Paterno is Wednesday's dbag of the week. The 84-year-old Penn State coach takes heat because of a sexual abuse scandal involving his assistant Jerry Sanduski. Sunduski has been charged with sexual abusing eight boys in the course of 15 years. Paterno saw a 'shower incident,' reported it to the athletic director but did nothing more. Both Paterno and University officials knew of the ongoing abuse. Paterno teaches us how to end your 46th season as a loser.

Felix Sanchez de la Vega Guzman is 66 years old, doesn't speak english, and has built a 19 million dollar food empire spanning coast to coast. He immigrated to New York City from Mexico 40 years ago and insulated himself with other non-English speaking immigrants to avoid everyday experiences requiring him to learn English. He's running a 2-day business seminar for OWErs; first to teach them how to form a business plan, second on how not to shun and alienate people. Translators are available upon request.

 

Finally, this week's game is to name the socialite/American philanthropist, who if alive today, would have owned this dog? Every guess gets a free subscription to my blog, and the winner gets a $10 Barnes and Noble card.

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Efficiency Tip

According to electricity providers, heating water is your second biggest energy cost. Turn down thermostat to 120 degrees, check for leaks in your facet, and turn off the water while brushing your teeth. Doesn't Elmo tell us this anyway?

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