Friday’s Top 3

1.       A homeless orphan was turned away from work earliertoday by the Tea Party supporterMelissa Brookstone, asmall business owner eating steak and sipping earl gray, who has vowed to stophiring to stand up to ‘the new dictator.’ Tea Party supporters congratulate her on her move to further slow the economy and increaseunemployment rates across the nation.

2.       Angry New Yorkers andOWS protesters close heated meeting with an agreement and three talking points withinhours—individuals then left to present the conference “Conflict Resolution” toCongress.

3.      Obama gets a scare when his Ohioapproval ratings drop, becoming more disheartened to learn that Romneyis in fact in touch with the middle class by paying only 14% in taxes—less thanthe average teacher or cop.

Read Me on Your Commute to Work

1. Clinton and Karzai finally find common ground, laughingat Cain’s “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-sta” comment.

2. Zanesville, Ohio Sheriff stated that all 49 exotic animalswere, in fact, killed, including eighteen Bengal Tigers, which were on the Red List ofThreatened Species. Nice.

3. Snails can be beautiful.

4. Gaddafi is captured, finally.

5. Illegals is written into the dictionary under Romney’sgroundskeeper.