Breaking News Today
1. In a closed captioning interview Bill Keller revealsthat The New York Times is, wait for it, Socially Liberal.
2. Geraldo made an unwanted guest appearance atOccupy Wall Street and had the audacity to bring his mustache with him.
3. Besides protests against the 1%, women protesterspicket in Chicago in opposition to the .00000001% 39 Weeks Pregnant MarathonRunner’s damaging exposure that debilitating pregnancy is a hoax.
4. Romney won’t say whether his campaign is fundingthe recently universal ‘I Am Mormon’ ads.
5. Occupy Wall Street protesters are not Fox News’target demographic, and with a shocking twist still don't unify.
6. Hank Williams Jr. sings rebuttal song to MondayNight Football in shower.
7. Amanda Knox declines Vivid Entertainment’srequest for spokesperson, she’s been humiliated enough after being unlawfullyjailed for four years.
8. NBA cancels two weeks of the regular sessionbecause players and owners can’t decide on a fair split of $4 Billion—TNT andESPN to air reruns of natural disasters and genocides as a fill in.