While You Were Rearing Monday

[adsenseyu5] A recent explosion in Iran was just a set back on their long-range missile program. Thankfully, they'll have this up and running again soon, allowing Iran to move forward making weapons to destroy both Israel and the US. The AP was able to gather more information from a closed-door meeting late last week:

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!

Newt is surging in polls but still facing big challenges independent of his noggin size. Supporters of Romney signed enough signatures allowing him to be on ballets in both Vermont and Alabama--Newt is just beginning the campaign in these states. In a closed captioning interview, Newt stated that "I'm hoping that the size of my head will reach over county lines to force ballet signatures."

You can now pay 60 thousand dollars for a two-week cruise to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean to see the Titanic. The descent is 2.5 hours and currently, 80 people who didn't see the 1997 *movie are scheduled to go. *Sadly, Rose doesn't move over on the cruise either.

China has 3.2 trilion dollars in bonds but sadly Beijing will not help the European crisis as this money represents national savings and is not easily distributed. This greed comes as a shock to most world leaders, as China is normally very giving with their censorship of free speech, donation of jail time to activists, and delivering biodiversity of unprecedented proportions since the 7 day creation.

Carbon Dioxide emissions has jumped more than ever recorded. This increase has confirmed a trend making it impossible to stop climate change in the future.

Barnes and Noble knows what you're up to when you walk around looking at unique book covers to decide which ones to buy online. Looking and not buying is called Show Rooming. Sadly, we will all feel like criminals when we Show Room from this point forward.

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While You Were Rearing -- Thanksgiving Eve Eve

[adsenseyu5] Egypt's interim government quits on the third day of protests, just as an ironic disconnect developed between the political elite and the protesters. Thirty-five were reported killed, but Doctors are pressured to remain mum about those killed by live ammunition. NGO's were relieved when an anonymous gunman stated that "The live ammunition only killed thugs."

The Super Committee crawled down to protesters begging for forgiveness in a recent fantasy. The panel of 12 couldn't decide on a plan to cut our government spending by 1.2 trillion over the next 10 years, which means mandatory spending cuts will begin in 2013.

According to a special interest group that snuck into the meeting, below is an illegal recording of some of the blah, blah, blah that happened during the 10 weeks.

Democratic Random: "We need to give everyone a chance so for the first nine weeks let's allow the Republicans to do all the talking. Even though their inferior, I know they can find a solution if given an opportunity."

Republican Random: "Let's do nothing and work through the weekend at the last-minute. Either way it's not our problem, and in the end we can just blame Democratic Random or the President."

Since the only qualifications for being on the committee were "We need to do something, somehow, someway, within some time frame," several protesters have volunteered to help cut spending."

Pfizer launched a new bumper sticker with the phrase, "American Companies for Americans." Pfizer recently laid off 1,000 employees and slashed their own research budgets in an unselfish venture to buy back their own stock. This helps Americans in negative three ways 1. Doesn't reward investors 2. No additional jobs will be created in any way 3. A foundation for future growth is not forseeable.

Romney brings out the big guns in New Hampshire with the first television advertisement of the race. Using an innovative campaign approach, Romney's ad will be attacking Obama for his economic leadership just as Obama lands in the state to talk about job growth. The ad will feature a large family conservatively dressed on a farm with several wives, 300 children, and one husband.

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While You Were Rearing, Tuesday Edition

[adsenseyu5] The Supreme Court will hear the health care overhaul challenge between the federal government and 26 states to decide if congress overstepped boundaries by requiring health insurance. Many doctors and hospitals have already cut income in other areas and are dependent on this mandatory coverage of patients for revenue. If the Supreme Court decides congress did overstep their boundaries, these people are screwed.

Obama campaign volunteers from 2008 have formed a "Young People Who Got You Elected By Going Door to Door in Sometimes Extreme Weather Conditions" committee for 2012. Objectives include talking about voting for Obama, but vowing to do no leg work or promotion of any kind for him for the upcoming election. According to the Committee Chair, "We want to give back what was given."

Billy Hunter announced NBA players rejected the leagues latest offer. Players and League owners will cease redundant meetings, and reruns of Jersey Shore to volunteer to help the almost 7 million children under 5 who would have died today if they kept arguing. NBA Players = HOPE.

Police in riot gear cleared out Oakland early this morning because of health and safety issues, however; protesters secretly returned after Google's Lab donated invisible tents.

The Department of Transportation fined American Eagle airlines $900,000 on Monday  for keeping 608 passengers on board various flight for more than three hours at Chicago O’Hare in May. Ms. Aiken of 42C, who sat nearest the lavatory, is filling for a Nasal Passages Hardship, as these passed away on her flight.

Regis waves goodbye to Kelly, and leaves his syndicated show at the end of this week. He has logged more hours on broadcast tv than anyone since 1947. Regis aspires to use this accomplishment to join the cast of SNL or become a Supreme Court Justice.

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Banning medical research on chimpanzees and gorillas would save 30 million dollars a year.

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Breeder's Choice Update

[adsenseyu5] Romney and Cain are polling downward and Gingrich gains ground. Gingrich is now tied with Romney at 18-19% of the vote. there was little mudslinging in the recent GOP debate in South Carolina, which focused on foreign policy.

Sadly, Rick Perry's Opps moment has gotten even more coverage. Opps was recently featured on SNL, and Perry has agreed to go on Letterman to talk about Opps. Opps is more than damaging to Perry because it happened at the end of the debates while he's trying to prove he's not only smart enough to compete, but specifically that knows his facts. He's now in the single digits in some polls but there's a chance the 54 seconds Opps may humanize him. He avoided Opps Saturday at the South Carolina debate. However, Opps continues to raise questions about his ability to go against Barak Obama.

Ironically, Cain had his two most successful days of fundraising after the first woman came forward. This scandal hasn't hurt Cain as much as Perry's Opps. According to Gloria Cain, “I’m thinking he would have to have a split personality to do the things that were said.” Fox News released excerpts of the interview Sunday night, the interview will be broadcast this evening.

Foot in mouth incident occurred when CBS News’s political director, John Dickerson accidentally sent an email to Michelle Bachmann's communications director saying he would rather “get someone else” other than Bachmann for a show airing after the CBS News Journal debate on Saturday night since Bachmann was “not going to get many questions” and “she’s nearly off the charts."

The results are still unclear as a few candidates have made such recent mistakes that they may not have time to correct. Less than 50 days until voting begins and some of this time is taken up by holidays.

The next debate will be in Washington DC on November 22.

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While You Were Rearing, Tuesday Edition

Republican candidate Herman Cain is once again accused of making crude advances. Sharon Bialek, a native of Chicago and the first women to come forward, said Cain made inappropriate advances to her in 1997 when she asked him for help to find a job. I'm working on mastering time management, so for the rest of the week as women continuously come forward my Caucus While You Were Rearing update will be"Cain’s campaign stated the accusations were false. "

Conrad Robert Murray gets written into the dictionary beside ‘Michael Jackson’s Killer.’  The Jury convicted Murray of involuntary manslaughter when he administered a powerful anesthetic that helped kill the pop star. Murray’s attorney’s painted him as an ‘Angel of Mercy’, who only gave Jackson a small dose on the day he died while the prosecution painted him as a reckless caregiver who gave Jackson medication without proper precautions. Murray faces four years and will be sentenced on November 29.

The nations biggest financial companies have been in violation of the law 51 times since 1996. When they originally got in trouble they whimpered and the SEC slapped their little financial hands. This time, dunce hats for a week.

Wal-Mart benefits from consumer's wrath toward banks by providing customers with à la cart financial services. This press release was immediately picked up by international news associations when 'a la cart' and 'Wal-Mart' were spotted in the same news article.

A multi-million dollar project in Britain will take 10 years to build, and fill up an entire room. Unfortunately, it's not an anti-aging device but a computer built to answer the question 'Did Charles Babbage conceive of the first programmable computer in the 1830s, a hundred years before its modern form?' Sadly, I don't care.

Joe Frazier dies at only 67 years old. Frazier is best known for winning the heavyweight title at Madison Square Garden in 1971 in the 'Fight of the Century.' However, most people at the water cooler don't know that Frazier moved from South Carolina to Philadelphia because he lacked adequate training material. Before the move, he used scraps such as  corn cobs, coal briquettes, and his mom's old clothing to fill his punching bag.

Finally, can you guess which American philanthropist and socialite should have owned this dog? Leave your answer as a comment and I'll share the secret answer tomorrow.

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While You Were Rearing

Kim Kardashian's $18 million dollar wedding was still running on E-News when she filed for divorce. This break-up is the biggest cultural moment of reality television. On a side note, 10 million people have fallen below the line of poverty in the last four years--a family of four lives on less than $22,000 a month. Kim and Kris spent $250,000 for every day of their marriage. Interesting.  

Governor Perry has flown for free more than 200 times thanks to wealthy donors and corporate executives. Livestock owners flew Perry to Washington for an EPA meeting with the hopes of limiting amounts of corn-based ethanol in gasoline because of price increases. How do we think Perry voted--campaign finance reform anyone?

[caption id="attachment_215" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Is this the Livestock Owner?"][/caption]

The GOP wants to end  finger-pointing, so Perry please ask your aid to stop abusing the Godfather. Cain's reaction to the witch-hunt has changed as more scandals surface. Initially he talked about the target on his back, then he hunkered down,  finally there are rumors he's changing his pizza logo to "You Cant Have Your Special Sauce and Eat it Too."

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