While You Reared, Fabulous Friday Update

[adsenseyu5] Michelle Obama started the rally for her husband at a democratic fund-raising conference Thursday night. The First Lady, who has embraced obesity as her cause, is fired up soon after Congress made more than 30 million children fatter by refusing to cut the sodium in school lunches by 50%. I heart special interest groups.

Head leaders of the Mormon church spent millions on an ad campaign to find out that Americans come up with four adjectives when thinking about Mormons: secretive, sexist, pushy, and anti-gay. Romney's Campaign Manager advised him to narrow these down,  as four adjectives in a description prove overwhelming.

Mother, She Wrote gives this weeks 'Idiot Award' to an Egyptian blogger, who blogged nude photos to promote inequality and freedom of speech. Liberals in Egypt have quickly published statements denying connections with her --fearing this will severely hurt their election chances. The Nudes have caused outrage from both rigid and liberal Muslims across the nation. “Freedom,” wrote one detractor, “is not the same as degradation and prostitution.” Freakin Yikes!

Kuwait gets a surprise welcome to the Arab Spring when protesters and law makers stormed parliament demanding the Prime Minister's resignation. Their efforts were very similar to OWS, proving goalless and disorderly.

As we embrace the two month anniversary of the protest with no goal, 175 protesters across the nation are arrested when they refuse to stop occupying. The popo arrested 20 in NY, but sadly, Mother, She Wrote won't grant these victims the 'Shining Star Award' this week because they failed to shut down the NY stock exchange. Maybe next time?

The International Atomic Energy Agency wants to slap a resolution reprimanding Iran for their secret work on an atomic weapon.

After a closed door meeting leaders decided to use words such as 'sunshine, rainbow, and unicorn' in the document as opposed to 'atomic, weapon, and bomb' to avoid a tantrum from China and Russia.

Unfortunately, 91 stranded whales died on the shores of New Zealand and Australia this week--no doubt trying to run away from Japan's relentless whale hunters.

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While You Were Rearing Monday Edition

[adsenseyu5] Google has a secret lab that even most employees aren't aware of with engineers and robotics experts working to tackle 100 seemingly impossible ideas including robots that go to work while you stay home. With unemployment so high, OWSers now flock to the 'Secret Lab' to picket, demanding Google invent invisible tents instead.

The debate over health care overhaul is focusing on the limits of federal power and whether Congress overstepped its boundaries with this mandate asking questions such as, "If the Government can require people to purchase health insurance what else?" Possibly chocolate? I wouldn't fight mandatory purchases of chocolate.

Banks are still corrupt and are secretly raising consumer fees as they try to make up 12 billion dollars of income resulting from laws that prevent them from charging consumers to use debit cards, and limiting overdraft fees. Bank of America will replace lost debit cards for 5 dollars and for 20 dollars you may have it rushed.

Burlusconi stepped down on Saturday after 17 years in office.  The former businessman spent his time in office sprinkled with sex scandals and corruptions trials. Most recently he's been in the news for house parties with various women and a prostitute named Ruby Heartstealer. He's faced with having sexual relations with a minor and aiding her release from custody when she was arrested for theft. Burlusconi=Honor. Thankfully, his political party is still in power and he owns Italy's largest private broadcaster.

Congressional Deficit Reduction Committee is looking for an escape hatch after Republicans on the committee soften their stance on tax increases. The Committee has a little more than a week to finish its work deciding how to cut 1.2 trillion over 10 years--automatic cuts start in 2013 if the panel falls short.

Lobbying by pro gun groups has loosened gun laws across the country, leaving states to decide when a felon can get their guns back. Leaving states to decide when a FELON can get their GUNS back.

NBC hired Chelsea Clinton as a full-time special news correspondent, attempting to secure their 5th place primetime position. NBC is on shaky ground. Along with mandatory health care, Congress has recently made it illegal to watch networks that have fallen to 6th place and lobbyists are working around the clock to force lawmakers to seize cable boxes from those who are convicted. This combined with new mandates for continual Jersey Shore reruns for tanning bed abusers, is leaving cable watchers uneasy.

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While You Were Rearing, Friday Edition

[adsenseyu5] President Obama puts off the seven billion dollar Keystone Oil pipeline decision until after the elections while The White House studies an alternate route through Nebraska. The three-year project designed to carry oil from Canada to Texas, will add to global warming and extend our dependence on fossil fuels while doing extensive environmental damage along the route. Sweet.

Mother, She Wrote gives this week's Disgrace Award to Calvin Gibbs, a marine who killed three Afghanistans last year for sport. The court sentenced him to life in prison on Thursday but he could be eligible for parole in 10 years. Here is the Times Magazine article from earlier this year.

Perry tried humor to neutralize the fall out of the debate, however embarrassment is turning to alarm as campaign supporters wonder if the incident impacts his ability to challenge Romney. As no political analyst, my opinion is if you can't remember three programs you're going to cut in office, you're probably not the best fit to run a nation.

Is Cain the next candidate? Shockingly, another women is lurking in the alley to accuse Cain of sexual harassment. Like any woman taking a restroom break, Karen Kraussaar doesn't intend to talk or come forward until the other women come forward with her.

If you want to hear a stomach talk in a Brooklyn accent or heal your inner child, you can do both by visiting the Eat Sleep Play abstract exhibit in New York. Designed to teach health to children in ways vivid and playful, that are both memorable and easy to understand. Did you know orange juice has more calories than soda; sleep deprivation causes cravings for fat and sugar; and it takes 8 to 15 tries to persuade a child to accept a new food, you would if you went to the exhibit.

The Neediest Cases Fund is celebrating its 100th anniversary. Go here to help.

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Thursday's While You Were Rearing

[adsenseyu5] Penn State fired Paterno and removed its President, Graham B. Spanier on Wednesday night.

Cain is expected to call Governor Perry to thank him for stealing the spotlight in Michigan's Wednesday night debate. Perry forgot the name of the third federal agency he vows to cut if elected. It would have been better if he feigned sickness and crawled off stage--the moment was akin to hearing your best friend toot for a solid 54 seconds while giving a presentation. According to Sara Taylor Fagen, a Republican strategist who advised Mr. Bush.“It was a political death knell, there’s just no recovering from a moment like that when you’ve had such a bad record of debates.” If you're easily embarrassed by other people's mishaps, don't click the link below.

Wait Wait Don't Tell Me!!

Thursday's word of the day is pansophy, which means universal wisdom or knowledge.

This is given by Mother, She Wrote to Jon Jarvis, the top federal parks official at the Grand Canyon, who vows to continue selling water bottles in the Grand Canyon after a meeting with Coca Cola because he needs more information before making a decision. Plastic bottle toxins normally decompose and end up in the ocean, which isn't a parks officials problems--losing funds from Coca Cola is.

Gift your loved one with a town coat this holiday season. This seasons must have for the man who can't decide if he wants to wear a sports coat or an overcoat. A town coat is the perfect man capri. If you're archaic and abstain from online shopping, Walmart will open its doors at 10pm this Thanksgiving, instead of the standard midnight, don't be the last to get your Man Capri.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="190" caption="Standard Man Capri"][/caption]

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