Thanksgiving Eve's While You Were Rearing

[adsenseyu5] Egypt's uprisings will never end. Protesters now picket for Mubarak's legacy sprinkled with general anger, resentment, and feelings that the revolution has been taken from them. The military ruling council promises to speed the transition to civilian rule--elections begin next week with the muslim brotherhood expecting dominance.

A recent closed captioning poll found that Mitt Romney's Mormon religion will cause problems for his primary. Donald of Pennsylvania, with 14 wives and 300 children, says he "can't get past Mitt only having one wife." Donald acted on faith to take on 13 women--additional marriages are lined up every month next year. Donald deals daily with "thousands of extra hormones, and countless losses to his identity due to so many X's chromosomes floating around." He feels any respectable leader should carry this burden as well.

The SEC accused Michael Perry of IndyMac Bancorp of fraud for back-dating books to hide financial problems. Perry testified that someone told him to do it so the SEC is contemplating dropping the charges. Perry went further to say his 3rd grade teacher, "Mrs. Clinton told me to always do as I was told," and he felt strongly that, even as he matured, he shouldn't let her down.

ABA American Bar Association has rejected more of Obama's potential judicial nominees and labeled them as non-qualified. Since all the poor ratings went to women and minority groups, women's rights groups across the country are volunteering to Kick Ass and Take Names for Turkey Day.

Twenty students on Long Island are now accused of cheating in vain on the SAT as most commercial colleges now allow students to enter with fake high school graduation credentials such as a 'Made by Johnny' diplomas. Teachers from Dallas, TX who were involved in the recent grade-school scandal are flying to Long Island for an emergency meeting to teach corruption after the holidays.

Merck settled a suit for $950 million for promoting Vioxx--a treatment for rheumatoid arthritis--before the FDA. Vioxx causes heart problems, and sadly Merck didn't pull it from the market before 25 million people sans health insurance raced to the ER to increase the federal deficit.

West Hollywood bans the selling of fur. One for PETA. Zero for the Indians.




South Korea approves free a trade pact with US. “The legislators were passing a bill which will make ordinary people shed bitter tears,” Kim Sun-dong, a member of the small opposition Korea Democratic Labor Party, told a crowd of supporters on Tuesday night, explaining why he had sprayed tear gas. “So I detonated tear gas so that they too shed tears, even if theirs were fake tears.” (I wish I was funny enough to make up that quote, but sadly I am not, this is authentic.)



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