While You Were Rearing Friday Edition

The Chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize awarded this year's Prize to the European Union for advancing peace, democracy, and human rights.  According to the CCTV (Chinese Central Television) this has resulted in a backlash within China from both Urban and Forced Labor Slaves who have  overwhelmed internal Facebook and Twitter sites promising violence unless the Chairman overturns this ruling and gives China something they don't deserve. Covering foreign policy, medicare, and other agenda items, Paul Ryan and Joe Mona Lisa Biden spent 90 minutes in fight or flight during the first and only Vice Presidential debate. Romney watched the debate from Ashville, NC where he wept in open disbelief that as a Mormon he could make it this far. The latest Cartoon Poll has Joe Biden winning the debate hands down due to unprecedented facial configurations. Paul and Mitt are back on the campaign trail adding to their Book of Lies until next week when Mitt meets Obama in New York for Round Two.

Space Shuttle Endeavor is moving from LAX to a museum in LA at a snail's pace, killing trees and downing power lines along her way. Obama included reinstallation plans for these very power lines in his stimulus act, pushing the state to stay predominately democratic even after Endeavor's destruction.

Mailing a letter will cost one cent more next year; American's must now choose between food and Thank You notes.

In response to the NHL lock-out, players have most recently been quoted as saying "I am a douche." You'll find more information by visiting their website at NHLDouche.com; or by calling 800.ImDouche.