Stuff I Can't Make Up

[adsenseyu5] I applied for a creative job on Anonymous website. Thankful to get a response, I instantly told Darth that I would Google Chat with him about the position. What follows is a most interesting story. The phrases in the parenthesis are what Mother, She Wrote really thought about the dialogue.

Darth:  Hi Sally

me:  Hi!

(I'm genuinely excited here. Really take a moment and focus on the "!", I use these sparingly.)

Darth:  Happy Monday

me:  Same to you1

(Since Monday's aren't happy, I'm thrown off, as shown by my Freudian type-o. Going for the "!" again, but accidentally swiping the "1" is a classic mistake.)

Darth:  thanks

Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?

me:  It was okay. How was yours?

(I say this only to appease him, I don't really care about Darth's Thanksgiving, I'm more interested in getting my project assignment while Daughter's not screaming.)

Darth:  quiet and relaxing

BTW I'm waiting to get called into

a meeting, so if I disappear suddenly, that's why

me:  No worries.

(I say "no worries" here, but really mean, "I don't have time for your bs Darth. I've appeased Daughter and this peace will only last moments. You're very thoughtful to contact me directly before your lame meeting, and it won't go unnoticed.")

Darth:  Was there anything in particular that attracted you to this story project?

me:  I'm doing creative writing now in my blog.

(The one you conveniently didn't read before you started wasting my time.)

Darth:  excellent

(I envisioned Mr. Burns when he said this. Ignite Heebie Jeebies.)

what is the link to the blog again?


Darth:  ah yes I remember

nice play on Jessica Fletcher

me:  Thanks!!!

(The "!" marks above are absolutely fake. One, I didn't come up with this 'nice play on Jessica Fletcher' so I'm just showing excitement sprinkled with guilt for the person who did. Two, I never watched Murder, She Wrote.)

Darth: Do you think you could write an entertaining story about a sore-footed woman in high heels? Perhaps a non-profit fundraiser or advertising sales rep? (Yes, I peeked at your CV)

(I would hope that you more than 'peeked' at my résumé before you contacted me.)

me:  That would be awesome.

(Notice the ".", I don't think this is awesome.)

Darth:  Is that an experience you can relate to?

me:  I think any woman can relate to being miserable in heels

Darth:  b rb

(All women are miserable in high heels, and could write a story focused on swollen feet and blisters by simply remembering a time she wore them against her instinct. Also, what does b rb mean? I desperately tried to figure out the acronym while I waited. I came up with nothing.)

Darth:  hi again

me:  Hi, I guess your meeting called

Darth:  indeed

I should have figured Monday after a long weekend would be busy


Question for you

(I waited for this one question for six solid minutes. Darth went back offline again and came back on several times and I still waited.)

Darth:  Do you have a character in the back of your mind who you'd like to give life to?

Maybe someone you've wanted to write about, but haven't had an opportunity thus far?

(Go to Google Search, Insert Darth. Opportunity thus far sealed the deal for me. Take a moment and notice the italicized words above if you didn't catch them before.)

me:  Yes

(Here's what I found on Darth's Facebook Page. Icon=an action figure with a glow stick. Male with 28 friends--all female, all probably prey to his little sore feet fetish. About Darth: 'Nothing is more lovely than a woman in beautiful shoes.')

Darth:  How would you like to have that character star in this story?


Darth:  In other words, would it be fun to give life to your character now? As opposed to trying to create a one-dimensional character for me?

(I'm heated and trying to calm down. Wasting my time to have a fantasy about women in high heels is unforgivable.)

me:  Ok just went on your FB page. Is this something you do often?

Pretend to give people work to **** with them? go to a bad place!

(I said exactly what I wanted--even taking out the '*' in the original dialogue and spelling out the bad place.)

Darth:  no

I don't know where it says that

Over the years I've hired a few dozen writers for this project.


Darth:  Where did you read that I pretend to give people work?

(Blocking this user)

Darth:  That's absolutely not the case. These stories are very important to me, which is why I'm willing to pay for them.

(Copying and pasting dialogue to blog--the one you never read.)

The following illustration is that I envisioned each time I looked out any window for the rest of the day after I blocked Darth.



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